The Ghosts of Monday

While studies have shown that movies haven’t actually gotten longer over the past few decades, it’s still exciting to stumble across a short-ass movie…meaning anything under an hour and a half, including credits and the now-required amount of no less than ten company logos.  By that standard, The Ghosts of Monday – coming in at a brisk 78 minutes – is a rousing success.  Unfortunately, in every other respect it’s a tremendous waste of valuable fucking time.

 Filming a pilot for a ghost-hunting program in an abandoned Cypress hotel, the crew revolts when they’re asked to stage “phony” supernatural occurrences for the camera.  But they don’t have to wait long before a series of genuine human sacrifices prove that the snake-god rumored to inhabit the premises is actually the real thing.

 

That synopsis probably ruins several plot points, but, quite honestly, making it through the first half-hour of Ghosts is a punishing act of endurance.  So at least you know there’s something to look forward to.  Director Francesco Cinquemani sets things up to be a predictable haunted hotel movie.  But several Argento-style murders later he’s accomplished a clever bit of misdirection.   

 

He doesn’t prove nearly as adept when it comes to other aspects of the production: the editing is sloppy, the dialogue is cringey, the cinematography is all over the map.  And, at one point, a naked actress is seen to be obviously a wearing flesh colored bra!  The most notable, non-naked member of the cast is Julian Sands (currently missing somewhere in the California wilderness) who barely lifts an eyebrow by way of effort.  The rest are an unlikable bunch of no-names led by a particularly bad Mark Huberman (Band of Brothers) who seems really pissed off for no good reason.

 

It's not fun to hate on a film like The Ghosts of Monday.  The state of physical media is such that we should be thankful for every title that makes its way out of the streaming dungeon.  But this one stretches the limits of critical generosity…even at the aforementioned 78-minutes. 

 

MVD’s Blu-ray is a solid effort with stripped down bonus features that include a slideshow and several trailers for other Cleopatra produced films. 

 

 

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