return to house on haunted hill

THE FLICK: History is littered with failed innovations that were supposed to change the way we spend our leisure time. 8-tracks were going to revolutionize music. Dragon’s Lair was going to turn the videogame industry on its head. And 3D is poised, yet again, to invade theaters. So you’ll understand my hesitation to crown the “Make Your Own Movie” Blu-ray feature on Return to House on Haunted Hill as the next big thing. Don’t get me wrong, the “choose your own adventure” concept is a novel one. It makes for a fun party game and adds a bit of replayability to an otherwise tired sequel to a remake of a ‘50s B-movie. But it can’t save a train-wreck of a script full of bland characters and a low scare ratio. Concocting a ridiculous chain of events that bring together a group of archeology students and hired mercenaries in pursuit of an evil artifact hidden inside the abandoned Vannacutt Mental Asylum, director Victor Garcia makes the most of the previous film’s production design since he really doesn’t have much else to work with. Jeffrey Combs pops up as the phantasmagorical chief surgeon whose victims still roam the halls, eager to tell the backstories of their deaths in B & W flashbacks. And actress/FHM covergirl Amanda Righetti shows some surprising screen presence while avoiding removing her clothes (which can’t be said for her other female co-stars). But the main selling point here is the ability to make key decisions during the film that effect its outcome. Should Ariel return her sister’s phone call? Ummm...yes. Should Desmond open the door? I say, no. Should Harue fight off the lesbians? Are you kidding me?!! Hell, no!!! Each click of the remote sends the film spinning towards a different conclusion, with secondary characters either living or dying that to your finicky decisions. You can even bring the film to an untimely end only 45-minutes in if you’re feeling particularly mean-spirited. Does any of this make the movie any better? No, not one damn bit. It’s a novelty, just like 8-tracks and Dippin’ Dots (the future of ice cream, my ass!). It’s not the future of Blu-ray, it’s just an interactive dead-end. But deciding the fate of bad B-movie actors with the click of a remote does feel awful good. THE FEATURES: The “Make Your Own Movie” feature is exclusive to Blu-ray, although you can choose to watch the director’s cut if you’re feeling lazy. As for the rest of the extras, there’s quite a few to pick from, including a Character Confessionals Gallery that provides a phony backstory for each chump in the movie, The Search for an Idol: Dr. Hammer’s Quest which talks up the film’s central supernatural MacGuffin, 4 deleted scenes and a music video.