NINJA ASSASSIN - Princess and the forg

NINJA ASSASSIN: The guys in the black pajamas haven’t gotten much play since their hey-dey in the ‘80s. Back then you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting a ninja: comics, movies, even prime-time TV had it’s own show (The Master, with Lee Van Cleef, which was kinda like The A-Team…but with a van full of ninjas). The Wachowski Brothers of the Matrix trilogy are the brains behind Ninja Assassin and it’s certainly the most high-profile outing for the Japanese hired killers in the last two decades. South Korean pop superstar Rain, who also popped up in the Wachowski’s Speed Racer, plays an orphan raised in an all-Ninja school (they’re even tougher than Catholics!) and taught the ancient art of assassination. The clans make a living knocking-off people for hire, but one nosy Federal Agent (Naomie Harris) is getting too close to the truth. After she becomes a target, Rain develops a conscience and takes on his deadly pals to protect her. I don’t ask much of my ninja movies, but Ninja Assassin is a disappointment on almost every level. The action is cut so quick, there’s no time to appreciate any of the martial arts skills involved (where’s that Matrix “bullet-time” effect when you need it?). And the ninjas themselves are so plentiful and expendable it’s almost like watching Aliens set in feudal Japan (don’t get any ideas, Fox, you’ve mucked with the franchise enough). But most distracting is director James McTeigue overreliance on CGI blood, a problem that plagued the Zatoichi remake as well. Positives? Well, Rain acquaints himself quite well as an actor to watch. The exclusive extras on Warner’s Blu-ray do a good job of documenting his training regimen. Too bad the movie never really lives up to his hard work.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG: Not even the Disney brass will deny that they’ve been riding on Pixar’s coattails for the last 15 years. But there’s something to be said for brand loyalty, and even before they absorbed the genius behind guys like John Lasseter and Pete Docter Disney had a formula than had proven itself dependably entertaining for the nearly a century. Problem is “dependable” just doesn’t cut it anymore in the world of animation; you have to knock their socks off! The Princess and the Frog is enjoyably old-school, despite introducing the first African-Amercian princess into the Disney fold. It revolves around the same group of talking animals, same sneering villains and same mismatched (and just a hair past platonic) lovers who wind up with their expected happy ending. Even though it’s been a while since they’ve dabbled in two-dimensions, this isn’t exactly breaking new ground for the mouse house. That being said, the film is quite a toe-tapper, with better than average songs from Randy Newman and an endearing cast of anthropomorphic sidekicks to help our heroine along the way back to human form after a big, bad voodoo daddy (voiced by Keith David) threatens to ruin her dream of opening her own restaurant. The package might be progressive, but the details certainly aren’t. Which is either reassuring proof that they do make ‘em like they used to…or just killin’ time until the next Pixar pic arrives. The 3-disc combo pack includes a Blu-ray, DVD and digital copy and the usual mix of extras split between stuff for the kids and more technical info for Disney completists.

VAMPYRES: Filmmaking is such a complicated, work-intensive, collaborative exercise in creativity, it seems almost impossible that a movie could turn out good by “accident.” Yet Jose Ramon Larraz’s Vampyres, which on the surface is just another exploitive sexualization of the woman-on-woman vampire sub-genre, manages to rise above it’s baser instincts while at the same time delivering a randy good time. Staking claim to an isolated country estate, Miriam and Fran (Marianne Morris and Anulka Dziubinska, Playmate of the Month, May 1973) lure victims in by the side of the road, show them a good time, then proceed to feast on their blood. Things get a bit complicated when Fran lets her latest one-night-stand linger a bit longer than usual and a suspicious couple on holiday park their camper on the front lawn. Larraz’s film isn’t art, but it’s artful at the very least, and much more successful at transposing gothic menace to a modern setting than any of the Hammer titles released during the same era. Even with the ample amounts of T & A on display, Vampyres never feels like a grindhouse quickie. There’s an accidental genius to the film’s unpredictable structure, as if the story is unfolding in real-time rather than some hack writer’s script. You can’t explain it, just enjoy it. And Blue Underground gives you a great opportunity to do just that with their Blu-ray upgrade featuring commentary, Return of the Vampyres featurette and trailer collection.