book of eli

Denzel Washington has been nominated for two Emmys, five Oscars (he took home two) and is arguably one of those finest actors working today. He swings from blockbusters to serious dramas without missing a beat and really has nothing left to prove to anyone. Except that he’s got mad kung-fu skills!

I’m not sure how much actual “Denzel” made it into The Book of Eli’s copious action scenes, but he’s pretty spry for a 55 year-old man. As the star of Albert and Allen Hughes’ apocalyptic Road Warrior-meets-The Ten Commandments mish-mash, Washington wanders through the wasteland on a mission from God to deliver his copy of the Bible (the very last copy, apparently) to a deserving community. Instead he runs afoul of Gary Oldman and his band of marauding survivalists who want to use the book’s inherent Biblical power to convert more followers.

By now we’ve seen so many versions of this end-of-days scenario, that the Hughes brothers have their work cut out for them…even with Denzel in their corner. Visually, the film really steps up to the plate with endless bombed-out vistas populated by scavengers feeding on the detritus of our past civilization. I’m not kidding, these people shower with a wet-knap from Kentucky Fried Chicken. But all that Bible-thumping really does wear on you. It’s kind of hard to believe Oldman would risk everything he built to get his hands on the Old Testament…I mean, most people actually sleep through church, don’t they? And as fun as it is to watch Denzel lay a nuclear smackdown on the bad guys, his character isn’t much different than Mel Gibson’s was 30 years ago…but with a pair of cool shades. Warner’s Blu-ray replicated the Hughes Brothers’ muted color palatte beautifully and includes hi-def bonus features like an animated short backstory and the well-executed Maximum Movie Mode.

Today we’re used to quality TV competing (and often even surpassing) the stuff we’ll pay $12 bucks to see opening night at a movie theater. But back in 1982, we were still under the thumb of Joanie Loves Chachi and The Love Boat. So producer Don Bellisario’s ambitious adventure series, Tales of the Gold Monkey, was a bit of an anomaly in a TV schedule that didn’t aspire to much more than dragging out Happy Days another few years.

Inspired by the serial cliffhangers of the past, but finally greenlighted thanks to the success of Raiders of the Lost Ark the year before, Stephen Collins steps into the Indiana Jones role as Jake Cutter, an ace pilot now relegated to flying a beat-up sea plane in the South Pacific. Surrounded by colorful characters (an alcoholic mechanic, counter-intelligence love interest, Nazi missionaries and a one-eyed dog), Jake is pulled into a new adventure each week involving cursed treasure, angry natives or friends in jeopardy.

Like Bellisario’s other productions (Magnum P.I., Quantum Leap, Airwolf) there’s a formula at work that shuffles a few random ingredients around to create a new episode; a great example being Episode 9 “The Lady and The Tiger” which combines the Amish, invading Japanese, cowboys and the aforementioned man-eater. I would have loved to be at that writer’s meeting! The tropical backdrops look more like Gilligan’s Island than Lost, but despite its budgetary limitations Tales of the Gold Monkey collects a better than average amount of endearing characters and creates a time and place rarely seen on TV…then or now. The wonderfully comprehensive DVD box set will bring your subconscious memories flooding back with all 21 episodes plus a Making Of, still gallery and collector’s booklet.

Romantic comedies very rarely take you anywhere new. They’re like hopping on a guided tour bus through your own home town: rehearsed, predictable and intellectually insulting. You know Kristin Bell and Josh Duhamel will fall in love by the credits, despite whatever speed bumps the story might hit along the way, so the best you can hope for is the bus has air conditioning. But after the first 10 minutes of When In Rome, you’ll be tempted to get out and walk.

Bell and Duhamel aren’t to blame; in fact they have more chemistry than the cloying poster gives them credit for. And the supporting actors (Danny Devito, Jon Heder, Will Arnett and Dax Shepard) have enough talent to provide sidekick support to two or three other romantic comedies. It’s the script, stupid. However you want to rearrange that sentence, you’ve found your culprit. Forced into playing a typical rom-com heroine (career-minded klutz who thinks she doesn’t need a man to complete her), Bell makes the best out of a bad situation. Her courting scenes with Duhamel have a genuineness that the rest of the film doesn’t event attempt to convey. Instead we suffer through a manic plot about magic coins, love spells and four suitors desperate to win Bell’s love at any cost.

Director Mark Steven Johnson doesn’t really have the feel for this sort of material (after Daredevil and Ghost Rider, I’m not sure he has the feel for anything), but he’s gifted with actors that make something out of nothing from time to time. That might be the most magical thing When In Rome has to offer. The DVD comes with bloopers, deleted scenes and two music videos.

Was there a cooler place to live in the ‘70s than London, England? They might have lost the Revolutionary War, but the battle for rock ‘n roll supremecy was won decisively by the Brits. David Bowie, The Beatles, The Stones, Led Zepplin, in all their unwashed transgendered glory roamed the streets as musical royalty. Soon quaint country estates opened their doors to foster rock stars on the run from their hedonistic lifestyles. One such estate was headed up by Dr. Storm (Michael Gough) , whose revolutionary treatment involved full-frontal lobotomies that turned his patients into obedient zombies…just so he could get laid.

At least that’s the premise behind Horror Hospital, a 1973 British space oddity that mixes black humor with old-fashioned grand guinol in the Hammer / Corman tradition. Booking himself a last minute holiday, songwriter Jason Jones (Robin Askwith, a dead ringer for Mick Jagger) becomes a prisoner in Dr. Storm’s experiments. Seeing how Jason just had the snot kicked out of him by the cross-dressing lead singer of his band, he makes for a rather ineffective hero to say the least.

And that fact is just one of the amusing twists in director Antony Balch’s unconventional screenplay. You couldn’t combine a more bizarre list of ingredients if you tried: mad scientists, dwarves, zombies, thugs wearing motorcycle helmets, and a limo with a decapitating attachment. Horror Hospital never really lets on exactly what you’re in for, it just unfolds in a bizarre mix of dated swinging London stereotypes and gothic goings-on. As soon as you’ve finished watching, you want to plug it in again to make some sense of the damn thing! But that nonsensical appeal can’t be faked, which makes Horror Hospital a legit cult classic to be savored. Dark Sky’s DVD looks good enough to fool your friends into thinking it’s hi-def and includes a still gallery and commentary track.