massage parlor murders

Is there any metropolis more cinematic than NYC in the ‘70s? Grungy, dangerous and lit with a sick fluorescent glow, it seems possible to catch an STD just by standing too close to the screen. That’s the kind of New York on display in Massage Parlor Murders (1974), a rather inept serial killer story that shares a few plot points with David Fincher’s Seven yet barely delivers enough sex and violence to raise an eyebrow on network TV…let alone 42nd street.

A pair of laconic cops are out to stop a killer who targets the female employees of some of New York’s seediest massage parlors, seemingly striking at random and dispatching his victims with a unique method each time. Unless they can figure out the murderer’s MO, there will be no “happy endings” for anyone this time around.

Beyond the gritty postcard view of NYC circa 1974 (watch for some great movie title up on the marquees), Massage Parlor Murders doesn’t have much to offer anyone outside of exploitation film collectors. Fortunately, that’s exactly who this blu-ray / DVD combo is targeting. New niche company Vinegar Syndrome is counting on curiosity seekers to pony up for a look at a film so rare it isn’t even listed on IMDB under this title or its alternate: Massage Parlor Hookers.

And from that perspective, the film is a riot of poor direction, lousy acting and production design so cheap it makes hardcore films of the same era look like Cleopatra in comparison. Those in the know are likely to notice Sandra Peabody (the original Last House on the Left) and character actor George Dzundza (Basic Instinct) who is also credited as assistant director. Although it would seem as if no one involved had any film experience. How else to you explain a 20 second long pan of a vegetable stand, detailing all the produce on display, right before a car crashes through in clichéd fashion? Was someone making an insurance claim?

It’s those sort of inexplicable editing choices that make Massage Parlor Murders enjoyable to a select few and unwatchable to others. You know who you are. Well-researched liner notes kick off the two-disc set, which include both the original and re-release version (which eliminates a tiresome one scene prologue). The film itself looks beautiful on blu-ray (kudos on the classy cover art, as well) and includes 7-minutes worth of cutting room footage along with trailers and radio ads.