Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

For a while there in the ‘80s, kids stopped dreaming of being wizards, superheroes or astronauts. Thanks to pop culture, there was only one thing most 10 to 14 year-old boys aspired to be when they grew up: a ninja! The black-clad Japanese assassins were everywhere, from comic books to cartoons to their own major network TV shows. Heck, you could even find plastic throwing stars in most major supermarkets!

Inappropriate? Maybe. Unlike traditional Samurai, the ninja were killing machines with no honor. Not exactly a role model. But that was exactly the appeal to pre-teen imaginations. And few films were as blatant about it as Ninja 3: The Domination (1984), a bizarre bump-in-the-road sequel to Enter the Ninja (1981) and Revenge of the Ninja (1983), a trio of barely related martial arts quickies produced by the Cannon group who specialized in fast, loose, action flicks.

While Ninja 3 was laughable at the time of its release, it’s even more laughable now as a retro relic of Reagan-era fads, fashion and all-around action movie insanity. Lucinda Dickey (star of Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo) plays a utility worker / aerobics instructor who is possessed by the spirit of a dying ninja just stumbling back from a day of bloody carnage at the local country club. His evil presence uses her toned, Jazzercized body to exact revenge on the cops who gunned him down.

The opening golf club action sequence is a hilarious high point. As ridiculous as it all is – our ninja wipes out a foursome of golfers, their bodyguards, a couple of groundskeepers, most of the Phoenix police force and their helicopter! – the 10 minute sequence manages to include nearly every ninja skill imaginable…including the signature puff of smoke exit. It’s all shot in broad daylight with no explanation for who, how, why or what the hell is going on.

If you liked that, you’ll love the rest. Which includes Dickey vomiting purple noxious fumes, modeling various legwarmers and using V8 juice as an aphrodisiac. It’s the sort of movie that will do anything to get your eyes on the screen, but doesn’t have a lot of money to keep them there. The crazy contortions director Sam Firstenberg goes through to accomplish that feat are certainly worthy of the blu-ray/ DVD combo Scream Factory has put together, including a better-than-you-could-ever-imagine transfer and commentary that reunites him with stunt coordinator Steve Lambert.