body bags

Anthology films are like a Chinese buffet: no matter how poor the quality, you’re bound to find something you like. Body Bags (1993), Showtime’s one-shot answer to HBO’s successful Tales from the Crypt series, is actually more like a sit-down restaurant. Director John Carpenter (Halloween) serves as our horror host through three creepy, comic and gruesome stories filled with genre icon cameos and inside-jokes.

In “The Gas Station” a woman’s first night behind the cash register turns into a fight for survival against a serial killer. Segment two stars Stacy Keach as a balding middle-aged man whose miracle cure backfires when his own follicles run rampant. And in the finale, “Eye,” Mark Hamill plays a minor leaguer whose eye transplant has him seeing ghostly visions of murder, mayhem and death.

None of stories in Body Bags are strong enough to stand on their own. So it’s a good thing they’re not really designed to. John Carpenter himself directs the first two and also plays a wisecracking undead morgue attendant (a la The Cryptkeeper) who introduces each tale. It’s more than a little embarrassing and of all the elements from HBO’s program to copy, it’s the most unnecessary.

From there, each story gets a few minor celebrities (Keach, Hamill), some stunt casting (Twiggy, Deborah Harry and Sheena Easton…who’s actually quite good) and a parade of recognizable horror cameos (Wes Craven, David Naughton, Sam Raimi, Roger Corman, etc). Body Bags follows the Crypt template to a “T,” even though the extras claim there was no specific plan for a full series.

Shrugged off by most horror fans at the time, what’s surprising is how well the project has aged. Disregarding Carpenter’s acting – which we can all agree was a bad idea - his directing on “The Gas Station” is impressive in a fan-fiction sort of way. The well-composed master shots and shallow depth of field play like a greatest hits compilation from his earlier work. And watching all his regular actors pop up at the pump only enhances the sense of fun.

“Hair” has its moments as well, including some amusing animation and a bit part for the elegantly evil David Warner (Tron, The Omen). The only segment that actually goes for straight-up scares rather than laughs is “Eye,” directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre). And while it’s nothing more than a twist on the old Hands of Orlac (1924)– where a transplanted appendage retains its original owners evil thoughts – Mark Hamill manages to make his mental breakdown surprisingly compelling.

Scream Factory’s blu-ray / DVD combo pack does just what almost all of their titles do: rescues nearly forgotten genre material and surrounds it with an air of historical significance. Besides the hi-def transfer, which looks quite good, there are commentaries on each segment (beware the typical laconic Carpenter delivery), new filmmaker interviews, trailers and more. The only downside is a compressed sounding audio track that will have you checking the settings on your receiver. Don’t worry, it’s not you.