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John Wayne only “acted” in two films in his career: Red River and The Searchers . In his hundred-plus other onscreen appearances he was simply playing the “role” of John Wayne as he saw fit. It was only when threatened or challenged that Wayne really brought something new to the table. The Comancheros (1961) finds him at his most comfortable as a Texas Ranger escorting a suave criminal (Stuart Whitman) for extradition. However, the journey tosses both men into the same boat against a massing army of Comanche Indians supported by a gang of opportunistic white men looking to make a buck. Infiltrating the compound, Wayne and Whitman join forces to beat back the drunken, savage red-skinned horde! Yep, it’s that kind of Western. It’s just as unfair to criticize The Comancheros for its depiction of Native Americans as it would be to judge the USSR based on watching Red Dawn . It’s a movie of its time, and a damn entertaining one, bolstered by a rousing score from Elmer Bernstein a...

Since the TV industry has a lock on the phrase “jumping the shark” to describe a show past its prime, perhaps we should consider adopting “launched into orbit” to explain a horror franchise in the same situation. After all, Jason X , which continued serial killer Jason Vorhees’ adventures where no man had gone before, is the epitome of desperate studio executive brainstorming. And yet Hellraiser: Bloodline (part 4 in the series and the last to be released theatrically) finds a clever way to expand the demonic mythology of Pinhead, serving as both a prequel and a sequel, while staging a dramatic change in venue for the opening and closing scenes. As a crude robot manipulates the infamous puzzle box, we’re introduced to the distant relative of the man who invented the darn thing, kicking off three different family histories beginning in Victorian England and ending up on an isolated space station where Doctor Paul Merchant (Bruce Ramsay) plans to destroy the evil once and for all....

Can you name three “killer pig” movies without resorting to the internet? If so, then Chawz is right up your alley…but for God’s sake don’t list that as one of your 27 levels of compatibility on eHarmony, alright?! A Korean import that mirrors (in a smudgy sort of way) the plot for Spielberg’s classic monster shark flick, Chawz is both better than you’d expect and worse than it should be. In the plus column, the movie goes for quirky right off the bat, set in a Twin Peak sian mountain town populated by the Korean equivalent of Log Ladies and dancing dwarves. But even in his more obtuse moments, David Lynch never had the cajones to introduce a 3000 pound man-eating boar! Chawz never manages to incorporate the oversized swine into the story smoothly either. There are some typical “kill scenes” where random characters are munched offscreen and even a false ending or two. But there’s just not enough bacon on display. As much as I appreciate a well-written character or two, I...

Although it wears all the accoutrements of a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western, El Topo is cut from another cloth entirely. Writer / director / star Alejandro Jodorowsky’s mind-bending, gender-bending, genre-bending experimental art film was the first certified midnight movie phenomenon, blazing a trail for the work of other outré auteur to come. Even 40 years later, its images are striking, its metaphors are mysterious and its ultimate purpose a bit bewildering. At the time of release, El Topo ’s violence, sexual perversions and sacrilegious leanings were enough to guarantee controversy. While their impact has lessened over the years, Jodorowsky’s film remains a bizarre free-for-all of politically incorrect imagery and impenetrable (but often amusing) iconography. A cowboy with a foot fetish caresses his collection of high heels. A female gunslinger amorously peels a luscious fruit. A cave full of physically deformed incest victims descends upon the spiritually deformed citize...

It’s funny what movies stick with you when you’re a kid. I remember watching The Last Dinosaur in 1977, a made-for-TV movie designed to compete with the Godzilla craze, and being more scared of star Richard Boone than any of the rubber monsters on display. As the actual “dinosaur” of the title, Boone is a loud-mouthed, hulking misogynist billionaire who longs to put a T-Rex on his trophy wall. His chance comes when his oil drill breaks through into a prehistoric world, populated by the same man-in-suit monsters seen in similar fare like At The Earth’s Core and The Land Time Forgot . While primitive, the effects are charmingly effective and photographed with more creativity than usual (a boneyard T-Rex / Triceritops fight is most impressive). But it’s Boone you remember; his bloated features and gruff voice perfect for a man who’s more at home in a cave than a mansion. While the script and acting in general will make you cringe if you haven’t seen it since it’s small screen debu...

The beauty of the double-feature drive-in movie experience was that you doubled your chances of seeing something worthwhile. And no one knew how to entertain the drive-in crowd better than Roger Corman. The mid-‘70s exploded with car culture pictures featuring stunts, sex and vehicular destruction all across America’s highways. Shout Factory’s Action Packed Collection cherry-picks three titles: Georgia Peaches , a TV pilot released theatrically overseas starring Dirk Benedict and Tanya Tucker in a Dukes of Hazzard -type scenario. Smokey Bites The Dust , with former child-star Jimmy McNichol (Kristi’s brother) as a good-natured car thief. And the top pick of the set, The Great Texas Dynamite Chase , starring 1970’s Playmate of the Year Claudia Jennings as a bankrobber who picks up another female partner and proceed to blow their way through the Lone Star State. There’s a whole lotta Thelma and Louise in Dynamite ’s DNA, but director Michael Pressman (a prolific but non-descrip...

The Brazilian boogeyman, Jose Mojica Marins and his on-screen alter-ego Coffin Joe, return from a 30 year absence in Embodiment of Evil , a thoroughly sick, sadistic (yet somehow old-fashioned) and thoroughly unexpected third entry in the Coffin Joe series. Flashing back to his films in the ‘60s, Coffin Joe is tortured by black-and-white visitations from his victims. But that doesn’t stop him from pursing his all-consuming quest to find the perfect woman with which to mate and conceive a child (why he doesn’t just strap on some beer-goggles and head to Bennigan’s is anyone’s guess). With fingernails longer than the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills plus top hat and cape, Marins character is a reincarnated fashion faux pas. And for a while one expects the film to simply provide an aging horror star the opportunity for one last classy swan song. But Marins is one sick puppy, and Embodiment of Evil will be a rough slap in the face for anyone unfamiliar with his twisted state of mind...

While the giallo itself (Italy’s brand name for sexy, gory thrillers) was a played-out inbred mess by 1980, there are still plenty of gems waiting to be polished from the early ‘70s when the genre was full of new blood. The Perfume of the Lady in Black may not even fit the genre conventions quite right – no black gloved killer, no overt violence (more on that later) and no central murder mystery – leaning more towards a Hitchcockian psychotic meltdown than an Argento exercise in excess. Mimsy Farmer plays Sylvia, a fragile young woman haunted by visions of a childhood trauma. These visions begin to intrude on reality, taking the form of a young version of herself that Sylvia is both consoled and terrified by. But are these visions real, imagined or a supernatural conspiracy dreamed up by those around her? Director Franceso Barilli’s approach is elegantly restrained and avoids almost every crass exploitation opportunity (besides the surprisingly gory finale), complemented by a ...

The cult of Dario Argento admirers was once a pretty exclusive club. But boutique labels like Blue Underground changed all that by not only making the Italian director’s films readily available on various digital formats, but giving them the sort of treatment you couldn’t imagine back in the bootleg VHS days. Now it’s Argento overload! Even a casual message board scan inevitably turns up a dozen debates as to which of his films ranks highest. Inferno always is one of the top vote getters. And one glimpse of this new Blu-ray edition you can see why. The Suspiria sequel boasts the same oversaturated color scheme – red, green and blue practically bleeding off the screen – and numerous set-piece murder sequences. But Inferno doesn’t even pretend to adhere to a plot. There’s a continuing story structure involving the book The Three Mothers which details the secrets of a witch’s coven spread across the globe (trust me, checking that sucker out of the library gets you in more tro...

FERNANDO DI LEO CRIME COLLECTION: The films of Quentin Tarantino are a melting pot of b-movie inspirations and outright cinematic thievery. But at least the guy is honest about it! By lending his stamp of approval to this new 4-movie set from Raro Video, he’s paying back one of the filmmakers who helped to shape his career. Like most Italian director’s working in the gangster genre, Di Leo’s films are anything but subtle. Yet there’s a heavy political subtext and enough double and triple crosses to keep even the most experienced genre veteran guessing. The Italian Connection has a chase scene to rival anything put on the screen and a black / white hitman combo that will seem more than a little familiar to Pulp Fiction fans. Caliber 9 makes the most of its hulking anti-hero (Gaston Moschin) and the luscious Barbara Bouchet. The Boss plays off star Henry Silva, whose cold shark-eyes are put to good use as an ambitious hitman. While Rulers of the City twists the genre conv...

Go ahead, get out your tiny violins. I’m so tired of watching movies! I understand the idea of complaining about reviewing movies (even as a side-job) isn’t apt to get much pity. But quite honestly, Sundance can be an exhausting experience. It can also be an inspiring, fascinating and exhilarating one. Which, of course, is why we keep going. Even 30 years into its history, Robert Redford’s annual celebration of indie film is still the pick of the litter when it comes to US film festivals. It has up and down years, but so does the film industry in general. So how does 2011 stack up? Let’s run through the 15 films I managed to cover in 4 days…it’s only a snapshot but that’s the best one man and a shuttle bus can accomplish in that amount of time. THE PREMIERES: RED STATE was the hottest ticket at the fast for a few reasons. Director Kevin Smith was synonymous with Sundance ever since Clerks made him a success. But rumor was this was a bit of a departure from the guy who t...

When the front cover shows a picture of a six-seater passenger plane being attacked by some multi-tentacled space octopus, the odds are not in your favor. Not that there’s anything wrong with the idea of a space octopus per se (in fact, it’s downright exciting!) but direct-to-DVD too often means direct-to-SyFy Channel…right between to Mansquito and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus . But Altitude is one ambitious little flick. It has to rise above a cast straight out of your favorite “dead teenager” movie, a script that comes dangerously close to copyright infringement of Stephen King’s The Langoliers , and, to top it off, traps the audience inside that tiny puddle-jumper of a plane for the entire running time! But first-time director Kaare Andrews (a Marvel Comic writer and illustrator) turns it all into an exercise in B-movie Hitchcock thrills and chills. The aforementioned space octopus is kept off-screen for the most part, but it’s eventual appearance actually lives up to the ar...

The Exorcist tops most people’s scary movie lists, but if you asked them I’m not sure they could say why. After all, the film is more than 30 years old (well, past the expiration date for most contemporary audiences). It doesn’t feature a “franchise” killer good for twenty sequels. Loose ends are everywhere, characters pop in and out and the music features more keyboards than A Flock of Seagulls concert. But here’s the thing about The Exorcist : it’s a movie that could never be made today. Studio executives would burn the script. Audiences would picket the theaters. It’s simply too provocative to be created in today’s PC obsessed society. That alone makes it something in an anomaly of the horror genre, which only seems to get bloodier as time goes on. Director William Friedkin was way ahead of the curve in terms of treating his supernatural subject matter with a documentarian’s eye (something Paranormal Activity and Blair Witch took to the extreme). The film may be old fa...

There was a time when New York City was dangerous, both in the physical and moral sense. A time when hookers were more common than rich housewives with dogs stuffed in their purses. When Times Square was a place to get cheap thrills, not cheap TVs and discount merchandise. The cinema of the ‘70s captured this very well (perhaps none better than Scorsese’s Taxi Driver ), but William Lustig’s Maniac is a worthy document of NYC’s sordid past, a surprising psychological profile and a down ‘n dirty exploitation movie to boot. Joe Spinell plays serial killer Frank Zito as a tortured soul, driven to murder by the memory of his prostitute mother. The fact that his character evokes sympathy despite the atrocity of his crimes (expertly and gruesomely executed by Tom Savini, who also has a small role) is a testament to both Lustig’s direction and Spinell’s performance. By all rights Maniac should have been simply another Halloween clone (it was certainly advertised as such) but instead...

Of all the horror icons created in the ‘80s, Freddy Krueger had the most potential. Wes Craven’s original Nightmare on Elm Street gave its serial dream stalker an endless amount of unconscious scrap material with which to do his dirty work. He could pop up in bathtubs, under the bed, inside your television…even French kiss you through the phone! Eight up-and-down sequels later, we get yet another boring “reimagining,” I guess because kids today won’t watch anything made before 1990. Too bad for them, because this slick but lifeless remake doesn’t have an ounce of imagination. What it does have is a couple of good actors: the new “Nancy,” Rooney Mara, (soon to be The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo ) and Jackie Earl Haley who gets the impossible task of replacing Robert Englund. Haley’s make-up, although much more believable, never allows the actor to emote with fiendish glee, an essential aspect of the Freddy persona. A deleted ending sans make-up shows what Haley might have brou...

For over three decades slasher films have lived and died on the “killshot.” You know what I’m talking about: a guy in a hockey mask skewers three people on one pitchfork while doing a triple-axle on a motorcycle jumping over 15 flaming school buses. The more creatively someone could be sliced and/or diced, the more successful the movie. Hatchet proclaims itself to be a return to old school American horror, but ironically the kill scenes are a bit of a bore. It’s the victims themselves who make this derivative boogeyman flick more interesting than usual. Writer / director Adam Green sets his story deep in the swamps of Louisiana where a mismatched group of tourists wander off Bourbon street to try a party-boat “ghost tour” that drifts into the territory of Victor Crowley, a deformed man-child whose favorite weapon of choice is, you guessed it, a hatchet. The passengers and crew meet their expectedly gruesome demises with some strong effects work and a few effective jump scares. B...

Even if you were a fan of 80% of the SNL skits turned into movies (we’re talking borderline stuff like Night at the Roxbury and Superstar ) you had to be nervous about MacGruber . I mean, this is a parody of a pre-existing ‘80s TV show ( MacGyver ) with the same punchline…every…single…time. That doesn’t give you much to work with. Maybe that’s why the more successful elements of star Will Forte’s film take aim at Reagan-era clichés (mullets, removable tape decks and the bad music we played on them) rather than MacGruber himself, who is an unlikable A-hole. In fact, although his character is based on the Will Ferrell idiot man-child routine, Forte boxes himself into a corner with this expanded version. We just plain don’t like him. Ferrell’s characters always had a sweet chewy center, but MacGruber is crude and obnoxious with absolutely no redeeming qualities. You can squeeze a few laughs out of that, but not 90 minutes worth. Director Jorma Taccone does a great job of recrea...

When it comes to TV show finales, very few of them are able to stick the landing. For every M.A.S.H. or Newhart there are dozen Seinfelds which seem to crack under the pressure of wrapping up a decade worth of characters and quips into one comprehensive package. Which is what makes Lost’s accomplishment that much more impressive. After six seasons of mysteries, conspiracies and enough time-traveling to earn frequent flier miles to the moon and back, writers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse finally buckled down and came to the realization most of us understood from the beginning: the show was never really about the island, it about the people on it. The reveal that this season’s “sideways” world was actually a pleasant form of purgatory, designed to help each our travelers “let go” and move into the next world, can be viewed as a cheat if you actually took any of that Dharma initiative crap seriously. But experienced TV viewers should realize that most shows aren’t mapped out six ...

As I child of the ‘80s I can tell you from experience that you had to work pret-ty darn hard to get a look at naked ladies. Before the corruption of the world wide web, curious kids only had a few magazines (always placed strategically out of reach or covered by those damn brown bags!) and scrambled cable channels to peruse after hours. Loose Screws: Screwballs 2 was one of those Porky’s clones you tried to catch a glimpse of after Mom and Dad went to bed. And, man, does it deliver the raunchy goods! As a direct sequel to Screwballs (which was more parody that soft-core copycat) the same horny foursome are sent to summer school where they bet bragging rights on who can catch a glimpse of the hot French teacher, Miss Mona Lott, in the buff. Miss Mona stays clothed until the end, but every other female student is definitely clothing-impaired. Made up of one raunchy sketch after another, Loose Screws is a near constant barrage of nudity and crudity with a script that wouldn’t ev...

Other than a few class acts, ‘80s slasher movies relied almost exclusively on their creative “kills” to attract attention. And after beheading, puncturing, smashing and exploding a literal army of zombies in the original Dawn of the Dead , make-up legend Tom Savini was up to just about any challenge. The Prowler actually has a leg up on Savini’s work in Friday the 13 th (shot a year earlier) at least in terms of its gruesome effectiveness. There’s a convincing pitchfork to the midsection, butcher knife through the brain, throat slitting and a pre- Scanners head explosion that splatters the screen like the 4th of July! Helmed by Joseph Zito (who went on to direct a Friday the 13 th chapter as well), the film bears a striking structural resemblance to My Bloody Valentine , with a 1945 preamble massacre that bans a local college graduation dance for 35 years. Of course, when the party is resurrected so is the titular killer, complete with army fatigues and assorted weaponry. As...

Other than the famous maestros Fellini, Antonioni and Leone, Italian directors really never get much respect. But watching Sandok for the first time in its original scope photography, you get the sense that there wasn’t anything Hollywood could put on screen that “spaghetti “directors could do just as well. Case in point, this rousing old-school adventure based on the popular novels by Emilio Salgari which features just the sort of Saturday matinee ingredients (snakes, rats, tigers, crocodiles, rare diamonds and dangerous thugs) that were later co-opted by Spielberg and Lucas to create Raiders of the Lost Ark . Director Umberto Lenzi is working in the classic Hollywood style, with opulent sets and exotic locations, but he keeps the tone light and loose with his two main characters – Alan Foster (Richard Harrison), an American thief on the run in India and Sitama Wilbert Bradly), a native fakir whose sacred vows are flexible depending on the situation. Their adventures in pursuit o...

Denzel Washington has been nominated for two Emmys, five Oscars (he took home two) and is arguably one of those finest actors working today. He swings from blockbusters to serious dramas without missing a beat and really has nothing left to prove to anyone. Except that he’s got mad kung-fu skills! I’m not sure how much actual “Denzel” made it into The Book of Eli ’s copious action scenes, but he’s pretty spry for a 55 year-old man. As the star of Albert and Allen Hughes’ apocalyptic Road Warrior -meets- The Ten Commandments mish-mash, Washington wanders through the wasteland on a mission from God to deliver his copy of the Bible (the very last copy, apparently) to a deserving community. Instead he runs afoul of Gary Oldman and his band of marauding survivalists who want to use the book’s inherent Biblical power to convert more followers. By now we’ve seen so many versions of this end-of-days scenario, that the Hughes brothers have their work cut out for them…even with Denzel in...

Universal’s remake of The Wolfman came awfully close to being an “Alan Smithee” production. You know, the nome de plume director’s take when their work has been hacked to unrecognizable pieces by studios who feel their work isn’t commercial enough. One director walked out (music video vet Mark Romanek) and another ( Jurassic Park 3’s Joe Johnston) went through a number of reshoots before the movie was put on a shelf like a wheel of cheese to be aged for more than a year. The odds were pretty high that Benecio Del Toro’s transformation into a hairy howling beast was going to need some serious grooming. But, as they say in professional sports, “that’s why they play the game.” And surprisingly much of the high-profile artistry shines through in this updated but engagingly retro version of the 1941 classic. The sets, scenery and photography are all gloriously Victorian. Anthony Hopkins is enjoyably hammy. And make-up artist Rick Baker’s designs hearken back to Universal’s glory d...

Like the flowers, card and candy, Valentine’s Day “the movie” is just one of those things men are expected to suffer through. It’s not really meant for anyone with a Y-chromosome despite sporting its fair share of eye candy both female (Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel) and male (Jamie Foxx, Ashton Kutcher, Eric Dane). In fact, it easier to list who’s not involved in the all-star cast than sit through the lengthy credits. The wraparound story involves several different couples who are either breaking up or hooking up on this the most romantic of holidays. Will Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner realize that they’re more than just best friends? Will Anne Hathaway’s second job as a phone sex operator ruin her chances with Topher Grace? Will Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine patch up their marriage? OK, no one really cares about that last one; this is a movie for the smartphone generation through and through. But it’s also heavily inspired by the far superior Bri...

Despite sporting subtitles, being set in Saigon and featuring an all Vietnamese cast, Owl and the Sparrow doesn’t really fall into the typical foreign film category. And Stephane Gauger, the Vietnamese-American writer-director behind the film, would be the first to agree. His story of a flight attendant, zoo keeper and young flower girl whose lives intermingle over the course of five days in the city is the sort of simple, universal story that even Hollywood producers have made hundreds of times. Yet it’s not what’s in Gauger’s film that makes it different, it’s what he leaves out . There are no pratfalls, no wacky neighbors, no talking animals, no comedic misunderstandings that result in groin hits, spit takes or falls down a long flight of stairs. Owl and the Sparrow dispenses with the complications and tells the tender story of a little girl who, on the run from her callous uncle, winds up penniless and hungry on the street. Through a series of coincidences, she brings toget...

There have been countless actors throughout cinematic history who, despite their talent, charisma, good looks and professional training, just never become stars. They pop up in mediocre to bad movies, always hinting at their breakthrough potential but never living up to it. There’s plenty of blame to go around: bad luck, bad karma, and bad agents. But Paul Bettany leads the very definition of this cursed existence. After making a huge impression in A Knight’s Tale and Master and Commander , he’s limped from one lackluster film to the next finally coming to rest in Legion , a film for which he’s vastly overqualified and probably more than a little embarrassed to be emblazoned on the poster as a machine gun totin’ fallen angel escaped from Heaven to save us all from God’s wrath. Stitching together equal parts from Terminator and Tales From the Crypt’s Demon Knight , the film hints at worldwide Armageddon but only shows us the run-down diner where an unwed mother (Adrianne Palikir)...